


Finding Home

by Teacup_pirate



Series: Ineffable Parents [3]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley is Good With Kids (Good Omens), F/F, Female-Presenting Aziraphale (Good Omens), Female-Presenting Crowley (Good Omens), Fluff, Genderfluid Crowley (Good Omens), Ineffable Wives (Good Omens), Kid Fic, No beta we fall like Crowley, Other, Raising the anti-christ, She/Her Pronouns for Aziraphale (Good Omens), She/Her Pronouns for Crowley (Good Omens), Tooth-Rotting Fluff, ineffable parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:21:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22030015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teacup_pirate/pseuds/Teacup_pirate
Summary: Aziraphale decides that their little family needs a more traditional home away from the hustle and bustle of London, so Crowley and Adam go house hunting. Shenanigans ensue.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Ineffable Parents [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1574878
Comments: 20
Kudos: 101





	Finding Home

Aziraphale had noticed that since adopting Adam, Crowley still drove at sound barrier breaking speed, but there were less last minute lane changes and more lights in their path were green instead of yellow or red. Even though Crowley pushed the Bentley faster once they hit the countryside, there was less traffic which dialed down Aziraphale’s nervousness about the ride. The family was on their way out to the Dowling’s estate for an arranged meeting with Anathema. Mr. Dowling was out with political supporters, and Mrs. Dowling had gone shopping with her friends, so the secret service flies were less intense with just the baby and nanny at home. 

“This place is lovely,” Aziraphale commented as Crowley pulled up the packed gravel driveway.

“The garden is great, but the house is a bit much for my taste,” Crowley said as she saw Anathema already outside to divert the secret service’s high alert.

Crowley parked, slithered out of the driver’s seat, opened Aziraphale’s door, and retrieved Adam from the backseat. Anathema had successfully diverted the secret service’s attention and walked toward the family to greet them. 

“Antonia, Zira, it is so good to see you again! And this must be Adam.”

Aziraphale was slightly confused as Anathema hugged her first, Warlock a swaddled bundle between them. Anathema spoke in the angel’s ear so only she could hear. “I told the agents you were old friends of mine.”

“Oh!” Aziraphale affirmed as she then hugged Anathema back, and beamed a bright smile at the witch.

Thankfully, Anathema and Crowley had swaddled the babies in opposite directions so a quick hug of familiarity did not turn into a clashing of infants. Anathema motioned them to follow her, and Aziraphale looped an arm in the crook of Crowley’s offered arm. 

======

“Is this going to be too distracting from the babies if I leave this with you?” Anathema asked as she held out her family’s prophecy book to Aziraphale.

Aziraphale pulled gloves out from her dress pocket and put them on before she took the book from Anathema. “I think I can manage.”

Aziraphale was so absorbed at just looking at the book in her hands that Crowley gave a fond chuckle. The sound made the angel look up from her prize to her demon who was linked arm in arm with Anathema. 

“And what pray-tell are you two going to do?” Aziraphale asked as she saw Crowley’s mischievous smirk cross her lips. 

“Chaos,” Anathema replied in Crowley’s stead and Aziraphale was now not sure whose idea it had been.

With that, Aziraphale settled into a rocking chair by the window and gingerly put the book in her lap as the disaster twins left the room. Aziraphale reverently stroked the cover of the book and formed the question she wanted to ask. Question formed, Aziraphale took a deep breath and opened the book to reveal truth she wanted to know. 

Anathema and Crowley had been texting all month trying to get schedules to line up but also to scheme on how to terrorize the small village that was the Dowling estate. The plan was to re-arrange pictures and any art on pedestals. After the selected pieces were moved, each one was given a fine dusting of sneezing powder that Anathema had made herself. The plot was that if the maid dusted, she would get dosed and/or if the butler noticed and tried to put the items back where they belonged, he would get coated as well. The best part was not having to wait and watch for the prank to unfold but only needing to listen for it.

Aziraphale, satisfied with her first session with the ultimate book of prophecy, put the book down on an end table and looked at the bookcase against a far wall. Aziraphale smiled, selected a book, and walked over to check on the babies. Aziraphale moved the babies from their stomachs to their backs and opened the book to start reading aloud to them. 

“I always did prefer the funny ones,” Crowley drawled fondly as she and Anathema came back from their shenanigans when Aziraphale finished a line.

Aziraphale smiled at Crowley as she held Much Ado About Nothing open in her hands. Crowley sauntered across the room and gave her angel a peck on the cheek. 

“Thank you for letting me use the book, Anathema. May I use it again next time we visit?”

“You are welcome, and of course.” Anathema gave Aziraphale a smile before she checked on the babies in the crib. 

=======

“Crowley dear?” Aziraphale asked as they settled in at Crowley’s flat after their successful visit with Anathema and Warlock.

“Yes Angel?” Crowley responded as she handed a glass of wine over.

“I want to move out of the city,” Aziraphale spoke resolutely. 

Crowley curled up on the couch next to Aziraphale after she set Adam’s bassinet to rock. “You sound certain. Is this something you read in that prophecy book?”

“I was already considering it, but then yes, the book confirmed it.”

“That’s why you asked my opinion on the estate when we first drove up. What made you consider it?”

“Now don’t get upset dear, but what Gabriel had said. About getting rid of the bookshop.”

Crowley burrowed further into her soft angel’s side but held her comment as Aziraphale continued without prompting. 

“I meant what I said that first day we had Adam. The two of you are all I really need. I’m not about to get rid of my collection, but I’m sure I can get it down to a manageable level. I’ve had offers from museums in the past, I’m sure they would still be interested.”

“And this place outside of the city, what did you have in mind for it?”

“Oh!” Aziraphale exclaimed gently as she realized she had misspoken. “Oh dear girl, I meant all of us move out of the city. Together, as a family. All under one roof.”

Crowley choked on her wine but after she gave a few coughs, she rasped out, “What?”

“You don’t like the idea?” Aziraphale asked as her facial expression morphed into worry and she rambled on to explain herself more. “I thought we could keep out respective spaces here in London, where our Head Offices can contact us. I’ll convert the bookshop into something else so I can still spend my days there after we move. You can still come to London with Adam to cause your chaos or stay home with him. I’m sure once he goes to primary school we will have more time on our hands to make the Head Offices happy.”

Crowley put a steadying hand on Aziraphale’s thigh, “Angel. I like the idea. I trust you, remember?”

Aziraphale blew out a sigh of relief as she took Crowley’s hand in hers. They sat in silence for a moment as they both calmed down.

“Was there somewhere you had in mind?” Crowley asked after a tentative sip of wine. 

“I was thinking the South Downs. Not too far from London so we can still commute to work, a view of the sea, and a place you can have a wonderful garden. There are several small villages to choose from for schools and for Adam to make friends.”

“You really have been thinking ahead. How do you want to go about searching for this home for us?”

“Would it be too much to ask for you to perform the search? I’m afraid culling my collection will take all my concentration.”

“Nothing you ask is too much Angel. So we need a garden for me, a library for you, and a room for Adam. Is there anything else?”

“Well a master bedroom and bathroom for us darling,” Aziraphale commented casually.

“Ngk!” Crowley eeked out, which earned her a smirk from her angel who continued.

“A modern kitchen for making meals, Adam is human after all. I would like a guest room for Anathema for when she visits, I assume Warlock can stay in Adam’s room when he visits as well. And a garage for the Bentley if you would like one.”

Crowley had taken deep breaths to recover and to listen to the continued list of requirements for their dream home. “We will see what is in the cards then. Do you wish for me to start right away or wait until you are done converting the bookshop?”

“I think right away would be best. I still don’t know what I am going to make the bookshop into yet.”

========

Crowley dropped Aziraphale at the bookshop to start on her new errand, Adam gurgled excitedly in the backseat. Crowley sped off to the closest real estate agency, and as soon as she pulled in front of it, Adam gave a shriek. 

“Okay little hellspawn, I get it. Not this one,” Crowley looked in the rear view mirror and spoke to the suddenly upset baby. 

Crowley pulled away from the office and Adam went back to being fascinated by his own fingers. Crowley punched a search into her GPS and headed to the next location as the Bentley did its best to continue converting the current CD into the Best of Queen.

After Adam rejected three more offices, Crowley muttered under her breath, “Backseat driver.”

As if she sensed her demon’s annoyance a text message came through from Aziraphale to check in on their progress. Crowley stopped at a red light for once in her existence to type a reply before she consulted the GPS again for another office. 

It took two more offices before Adam did not shriek outside one. Crowley parked and climbed into the backseat to check on Adam. Adam was hungry and after being fed and burped, Crowley consulted the child on the next matter at hand. 

“What do you think? Should I be Mommy or Daddy?”

Adam pouted, and Crowley swore it was exactly like Aziraphale’s.

“Alright, Mommy it is then. You going to pick the agent too?”

Adam smiled and gave an uncoordinated clap of approval. 

Crowley blew out a sigh, “Look at me, a demon of Hell taking orders from a baby. Come on Adam, let’s go find us a home.”

Crowley strode into the office, sunglasses secure on her face and Adam swaddled closely to her torso. The first agent in the office got up from the desk to greet the beauty that just came in the door. As soon as the man was close, Adam shrieked.

Crowley held up a finger and waved it, “Not you.”

The man looked affronted, and the other agents could tell that this woman was going to be ‘one of those’ kind of customer. The rest of them stayed at their desk and focused back on their computers. Crowley continued her languid sashay into the office, stopping at each desk momentarily to wait on Adam’s response. The pair made it all the way to the cubicle area in the back, and they circled it like two sharks. When Adam stopped whimpering, Crowley ducked into the small space. The agent, surprised to find anyone in her cubicle, gave a genuine smile and stood.

“Hello. My name is Eve. How can I help you today?”

Crowley looked down at the smiling bundle against her chest and whispered under her breath, “Cheeky bastard.”

Crowley then turned her attention back to the agent as she took the offered handshake, “Antonia Crowley. My partner and I are in the market for a house in the South Downs area. Our angelic bundle here convinced us that a flat in London will just not be sufficient.”

========

“Guess what our real estate agent’s name is, Angel.” Crowley prompted as they closed the shop to go to dinner. 

Adam giggled at his cleverness as Aziraphale secured him into his car seat for the ride to dinner. 

“Adam seems pleased with himself. Is it something terribly ironic?” Aziraphale asked as she straightened back up.

Crowley rolled her eyes, “Yes. Her name is Eve.”

Aziraphale laughed as Crowley helped her into the passenger seat, and Crowley’s slight irritation melted away. Crowley closed both passenger doors and crossed in front of the Bentley to climb into the drivers seat. Before Crowley could bully the Bentley into the flow of traffic, she noticed Aziraphale opening something. Aziraphale gave a smile to Crowley before she ejected the CD and placed a brand new one into the slot. 

“I found it while cleaning. I noticed your other disk had started to convert.”

Classical music came from the speakers and Crowley smiled. Aziraphale scooted closer to her driver and leaned against the thin demon. 

“Thank you Angel.”

“Thank you. I love you.”

“I love you too. Now where do you want to eat?”

========

It had been a week since Eve had been chosen by the red-haired client, when she called Antonia Crowley to look at some potential properties. Eve loved to show houses despite the fact that the first house was never the perfect one. As a general rule Eve would choose a typical style of home for the area so that the clients could see what common features would be found. It was odd yet sweet as the mother seemed to consult the baby before giving her own opinion on the house. The exterior style of the area seemed to be more in line with the mentioned life partner’s preferences, and that gave Eve hope. 

=========

It was a full day of looking at houses and visiting the nearby villages. It was late and Crowley felt a bit bad for keeping the woman well past office hours. 

“Would you like to join my partner and I for dinner?”

“Oh! I couldn’t impose!”

Crowley rolled her eyes and called Aziraphale on her mobile. 

“Angel, I’m putting Eve on the line.” Crowley said before she handed the phone to the agent.

“Hello Eve dear. Have my darling Antonia and Adam been behaving?”

“They are the most patient yet opinionated pair I have ever met,” Eve felt strange, as though she could divulge anything to this voice on the phone. 

“I assume you have refused something? I’m the negotiator of the family,” Aziraphale explained as she pushed a little will into influencing the young woman.

“Antonia invited me to dinner,” Eve spoke plainly as she felt a warmth flow over her.

“That is a high honor coming from her. I would very much like to meet you in person dear. Please accept and you can help Antonia tell me about the places you have seen today.”

“Alright,” Eve agreed with no more hesitation.

“Splendid! You decide what type of cuisine you would like on the drive over. Will you please put Antonia back on?”

Eve quickly gave the phone back to Crowley who was not doing a good job at concealing her smug smirk. 

“How was that Darling?” Aziraphale asked.

“Perfect as always Angel. Now do I mark that in your temptations book?”

“Oh hush you serpent! How long until you are back?”

Crowley looked at her watch, “With the way Eve drives, we will be there an hour after you close.”

“See you then Love. Make sure she’s not in too much of a daze to drive.”

“Of course Angel. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

==========

Eve found a legal parking space close to the bookshop and watched in wonder as Crowley pulled into the illegal spot right in front. Eve had to take a short jaunt across the street to catch up to Antonia before she could get Adam out of his car seat. The door to the bookshop seemed to open on its own as Antonia walked towards it and Eve took a moment to take in the old building before scurrying in behind. Eve was taken aback at the expanse of the bookshop as it opened up before her.

“How did it go today Angel?” Crowley asked as she handed Adam over and gave Aziraphale a kiss on the cheek.

“Not as well as I had hoped, but any progress is good progress. Are you going to introduce us Darling?”

Crowley smiled, “Of course. Zira, this is our real estate agent, Eve. Eve, this is my partner, Zira.”

Eve snapped into focus and held her hand out for a handshake as she looked over the partner she had heard so much about. Eve did not intend to stare as she took in the pair of opposites before her, but it just seemed to make sense. As if these two together made the universe turn just that much more smoothly. 

“Its a pleasure to finally meet you,” Eve said, kicking her brain into gear as she remembered her social obligations.

“Oh, the same my dear. You look famished and tired. Have you decided on what type of food you would like?”

“Italian?” Eve questioned but found Zira light up at the suggestion.

“We haven’t done that in ages! Excellent choice!”

========

It had been another week and Eve sighed at her desk. She had not noticed how loud it actually was until Crowley mentioned it.

“Is there something wrong?”

Eve gave a reassuring smile, but Crowley could smell the lie coming. Adam whimpered as he sensed it as well. 

“It’s nothing really. I will just have to do a bit more leg work.”

As the lie spilled into the air, Adam’s whimper became a full cry. Eve had become accustomed to Adam’s peculiar habits in the short time he and his mothers had become her clients. 

“Okay. It’s office politics,” Eve conceded and Adam quieted. 

Crowley arched an eyebrow to which Eve continued, “Those here in the exile of cubicles are considered junior agents. We mostly deal with low-income housing and apartment rentals. Even though price is not an issue for you, on my server they block my searches at a particular price point. For anything above the price point I am supposed to refer you to one of the agents at the desks.”

Crowley scoffed, “Who is in charge here? Not the head agent, the big kahuna.”

“Mister John Brightley. He works remotely, so he’s never in the office.”

Crowley got up from her chair, a wicked smile on her face, “I’ll text you when everything is resolved.”

========

“Sorry to put a hindrance on your progress Angel,” Crowley apologized as she dropped Adam off with his other mother. 

“To be honest, I was quite distracted. And our dearest boy will never be an inconvenience,” Aziraphale cooed as she bounced Adam. 

Crowley gave Aziraphale a kiss and smiled as Aziraphale pulled her back for another one before Crowley could saunter out of the bookshop. Crowley climbed into the Bentley and started an internet search on the Mr. John Brightley of London Real Estate Agency Branch No. 13. With a mild demonic miracle, Crowley found the man’s home address. She smiled grimly as she pulled away from the bookshop to go perform some demonic work for her own selfish gains. 

The man had not been at home, so Crowley checked around the neighborhood. Working remotely meant from the comforts of your own environment, so if he was not home it would be somewhere familiar. Crowley felt the urge to refuel with a cup of coffee and was rewarded with her prize. Mr. John Brightley was on his computer in the corner of the coffee shop typing furiously. Crowley put on her best distracting saunter and crossed the shop to the table. Crowley gently tapped her black fingernails on the top of his screen to get his attention.

The man’s fingers paused as he scowled at the distraction. He followed the line of the nails up lithe arms and to a thin but alluring woman with copper curls. “What do you want?” he asked as he turned his attention back to his work, fingers typing once again.

“I want you to release the server restrictions of your agent Eve Appleseed, Agent ID 740666.”

“Why?” Mr. Brightley’s scowl hardened.

Crowley purposefully raised her voice to cause a scene. “Because I am her client and I refuse to work with your homophobic, chauvinistic, elitist agents that you have kept in the top ranks because all of you own a limp cock!”

“How dare you!” Mr. Brightley shouted back as he stood up from the table, hands still planted on the keyboard of his laptop.

Crowley gave her wicked smile again and slammed the top of the laptop down on the man’s hands as quickly and hard as her serpentine reflexes could muster. 

“Fuck! You stupid bint!” Now it was Mr. Brightley causing a scene, so Crowley stepped away defensively to play victim. 

All eyes in the coffee house were directed to the scene as it unfolded. “I had one simple request Mr. Brightley. There is no need to be so upset.”

Mr. Brightley looked around at the accusatory eyes before he looked at Crowley once again. He looked the woman up and down as something in his lizard brain made fear fill him.

Crowley snapped her fingers and time paused. “Now I can make this all go away as if it never happened. Or you can play out the repercussions of this scene. And all it will cost is my request of unlocking the server. What do you say?”

“I...I...I’ll unlock it,” Mr. Brightley said as he sat back down and opened up his computer. He was swift in his work and when he nodded that it was done, Crowley gave her wide serpent smile. 

“If you retaliate against my agent, things will get worse for you. Have a terrible day. Ciao!” Crowley sauntered out and once clear of the doors, snapped her fingers to make time go back to normal.

As Crowley climbed back into the Bentley she texted Eve to have the agent try her sever. Eve did and found that it was completely unlocked for her. She requested an explanation, but Crowley laughed and did not reply back.

========

With Eve’s server unlocked, the possibilities seemed endless. It took her another two weeks to narrow the field down to several selections to show her favorite clients. The two days of new tours did not hold satisfactory results, but she did get dinner with the family on both days. 

On the third day of non-stop tours, the family was actually all together. The group looked at a few houses before Zira and Adam called for a lunch break. The second house after lunch was perfect.

It was a two story cottage with a large fenced front and back yard. The front yard had the potential for a sprawling flower garden and the back yard had plenty of space for a fruit and vegetable garden plus space for a growing boy to play in. Also attached to the house was a conservatory so Crowley’s plants from her flat could make the move as well. As well as the conservatory on the first floor, there was a bedroom and bathroom on the opposite side of the house by the stairs to the second floor. In between the conservatory and bedroom was the living room, kitchen, dining room, and a small wash room. Next to the washroom was the door that lead into the backyard. 

Over the conservatory on the second floor was the master bedroom and bathroom. Over the first floor bedroom/bathroom was a similar but not identical set up on the second floor. Adam had claimed the first floor bedroom, so the second floor room would be the guest room. Between the newly deemed guest room and master bedroom was open space. Along the long walls there were windows at even intervals but nothing else. Aziraphale immediately claimed the space for her library as she checked the distances between the windows to see if she would have to purchase new bookcases. 

The house had been on the market for quite a while, so when Eve contacted the sellers, they took the first price Eve gave them and even expedited the paperwork. The family continued to wander through the house, planning furniture placement and the like when Eve found them and told them the great news.

“If both of you sign and put in the payment information, the house can be yours as early as tomorrow! Congratulations!” Eve said as she handed the iPad and stylus over to the happy couple.

“Angel?” Crowley asked in an accusatory tone as she took the technology from Eve.

“I got excited,” Aziraphale huffed and started to pout.

“Oh how I love you,” Crowley said fondly as she placed a kiss on the angel’s cloud of blonde curls.

Aziraphale blushed and signed the pad when Crowley faced it towards her. Adam wiggled in excitement and Aziraphale bounced the baby in her arms to work out her excited energy as well. Crowley put in her personal payment information, not Hell’s credit card, and handed the technology back to the hovering Eve. Eve exchanged the technology for the keys to the property and the entire group left the interior of the home.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think!
> 
> Sorry for the delay between updates. Turns out I wasn't immune to the holiday bustle. 
> 
> I'm really enjoying writing these fics, and I've already got an idea in the works for Part 4. I don't know how long it'll take for me to get it all worked out, but please stay tuned for more from this AU!


End file.
